Saturday, August 25, 2007

Out of sorts

I am in a mood that I hate to be in. One where my temper is short and I am feeling sorry for myself. I try to cover up for the kids so I won't drag them down into the mire with me. It has been an eventful day and I am tired and wiped out, physically and emotionally.

I had intended to take the kids to the state fair in the early hours of the morning to avoid the crowds and the heat. My main purpose for this was to show Connor the farm animals and perhaps let him get a peek at the horse show. The horse is his favorite animal right now. After the trip to the fair we were to go to the store and pick up a gift bag and go to the park for my cousin's son's first birthday party. A quick stop at the grocery afterward, because there was not much food in the house other than 10 boxes of cereal.

We woke up too late for the trip to the fair, which was a treat in itself to be able to sleep in that late. I was a little disappointed but glad that I hadn't let the kids in on the plan. I start waking sleepy heads up and herding them to the kitchen for breakfast. No one seems able (willing) to get there own bowl and spoon. When breakfast is over I have myself dressed and ready, Mom is on the computer playing games but is ready and staying out of the way. I get Connor ready, pack up a few needed items and start sorting through the PCS cards to find Car, Store, Shop, Park, Water, Fun, and Cake. I can't find cards for fountain, or party so I make due.

My teens are taking showers, one downstairs and one upstairs and I can hear the moaning and complaining about the lack of hot water. Then I catch the oldest one on the phone with the boy she likes, talking about going to the movies. "We have to be at the park by noon get moving." I say with a little more annoyance than I mean to.
"Gee, you don't have to yell at me!"
"Honey I didn't yell and I don't mean to be snippy. You can stay on the phone if you have to, but MOVE. We don't have much time left."

She goes down the hall, phone still stuck to her ear saying things like "What do you mean don't yell at her? I didn't, did I?"

The amount of time she spends on the phone with this boy is a constant thorn in my side these days, but today they seem to make it just a bit more so. Twenty minutes later we are at a stop light and my cell phone rings. I answer since I am at a red light. "I'm sorry, are you busy?"
"Well I will be in a second when the light turns green. Who is this?"
"Um, can I speak to Melody?"
Words fail me and I toss the cell phone in the back seat to my daughter. Didn't they just talk? What can be so important that he has to call my cell? How did he get my cell phone number?

The store is crowded when we get there and the horse ride doesn't work. The girls try to move it like it was working and it works good enough so that Connor allows us to put him the cart. I lose my Mom and my daughters almost immediately as there is a 50% off of clearance apparel. I grab the gift bag and head over to get more pull-ups. On the way over he sees a toy firetruck that I had failed to see and avoid. It is snatched from the shelf and he pushes buttons making it sound like a fire engine had just came in the front of the store.

I find the rest of my party laden with bargains and Connor will not release his newly found treasure. So filling my trunk with more than I had planned to we head off to the park. The siren on this toy sounds so real that I am looking in my rear and side view mirrors almost constantly.

My Grandma, Aunt, Uncle, and cousins are there and I am a tad nervous about seeing them. I haven't bothered to make much time for them since last years Christmas party. The looks and whispers were too much for my whole household. This was before he got a diagnosis and some of these people thought he was just "Bad".

As we walked up to the rest of the family I got the strangest feeling. My cousin was walking toward us and as we got closer this feeling grew. I can not begin to tell you what this feeling was it had bits of alot of different feelings, but I knew what was going to happen before my cousin wrapped her arms around my Mom. As they hugged I saw her shake and the tears falling from her eyes and I almost wanted to cry too, but I had no idea why. I thought we must be sharing a mass insane moment. All she could say was "Thank you so much for coming."

After I am there for awhile and I observe a few things I think I understand what she was feeling and why I understood without really knowing.

To be continued....

1 comment:

Suzy said...

I'm sorry about your do have a lot on your plate all the time. Any chance for YOU to get some time for yourself?

And what the hell is going on with your mom and your cousin?

I don't like the feeling I'm getting from this either..

Fantastic writing, by the way..