Family reunions are tough for most of us, and he did well for the most part. It's the times when he takes flight and runs, not walking willingly back, instead having to be carried while he is fighting us that gets me. I didn't feel any stares, I had turned that sense off a few months back. I would not disparage my family and say they did a thing wrong at all. No staring, snickering, whispering, no it was all me. I was tired and low on patience and instead of taking my time to do things correctly and make it easier on all of us, I made things worse.
First mistake was taking a boy with five stitches in the bottom of his foot to the waterside. DUH! What on earth did I think he was going to do? When I told him not to get in the water he didn't, but his little foot was still in a puddle of mud in between the pebbles. Had I taken the time to think it through I could have moved him over, fixed a spot to put his foot, gave him a certain amount of time before we had to go. Alas, I didn't do any of these well thought out things. I made a second mistake and told him we were going back to the pavilion and my poor little guy that does not transition well flipped out.
The duty of carrying pressure and weighted vest and having the intuition about when to use which one, figuring out what is sensory and what is bad behavior, these are things I do happily (although not always well) because they are what my kiddo needs, but I would be lying if I said it was anything less than daunting at times. I have come to the realization that the daunting times turn out to be when I am working against myself, like today.
I am tired and having driven 200+ miles round trip to spend an hour and a half with family I have not seen for awhile makes me feel like I could curl up in my computer chair and sleep till morning.
I leave you with a song Hubby likes, it makes him think of Connor and alot of other special kids.
The lyrics "Baby Mine"
By Alison Krauss
Baby mine, don't you cry
Baby mine, Dry your eyes
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, baby of mine
Little one, when you play
Don't you mind what they say
Let those eyes sparkle and shine
Never a tear, baby of mine
If they knew sweet little you
They'd end up loving you too
All those same people who scold you
What they'd give just for the
Right to hold you
From your head down to your toes
You're not much, goodness knows
But you're so precious to me
Sweet as can be, baby of mine
2 comments:
Hi, just catching up with your blogs. So sorry to hear about your boy. That must have been such a trauma for him. But don't beat yourself up. How can we learn if we don't make mistakes? How can we be wrong when we care so much? Anyone who stares has a huge problem in my opinion. They are ignorant. And that often takes over their lives. You, on the other hand, are a good, honest and decent human being. Take pride in being who you are.
Crystal xx
Sometimes it's all just too much, isn't it? Much as we'd like to, we can't have it all together every minute of every day.
We moms need someone to hold us and rock us and sing us lullabies too.
(Isn't that the song Dumbo's mama sang to him)?
XO
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